On Kathy Griffin's Life on the D-List show the other night she went shopping with Paris Hilton. It all came about because Kathy decided she needed to get in with young Hollywood and broaden her demographic so she arranged for a little publicity jaunt with Paris Hilton, shopping.
The dress Kathys wearing in the pic is one of Paris's sent over from Paris's office at Kathy's request. Odd, but okay.
The funny part of the show was how dumb Paris is. Seriously, I have a serious grudge against this girl and I know it. It's becuase she's three of the things I hate the most: 1) She's stupid. 2) She's so stupid she doesn't know she's stupid. 3) She thinks she can bullshit her way through life and that we buy her bullshit. (Hmmmm...suddenly reminds me of someone I know in real life who fits those three categories. Hmmmm...my venom is suddenly making sense to me.)
For example, back in Paris's just post-jail days she went on Larry King and talked about how she NEVER drinks more than one drink, has NEVER done drugs of any kind, is all about making a difference in the world, etc. She also talked about how smart she is, what a business woman she is, and how hard she works every day.
Cough. Cough. Whatever, Paris. On this blog alone you can see pics of Paris smoking pot, drinking straight from the bottle, stumbling around drunk, etc. Sure, Paris. Whatever you say we'll believe because everyone on the planet is as dumb as you are.
So anyway, she and Kathy hook up on the street in front of a store in the middle of a ton of paparazzi. Paris says "I have an outfit just like that." Kathy replies "It IS yours." Paris looks confused. Kathy raises the skirt up to her waist, flashing the paps her panties that she bought just for this episode. Paris is so friggin' stupid she doesn't even realize Kathy's totally mocking her and all the crotch shots in the celeb mags. Doesn't get it. The most she can manage is to look slightly confused, which, to be honest is her most frequent expression during her time with Kathy.
They shop. They shop to the tune of over $12,000 EACH and while Kathy reacts to that figure, Paris, again, looks slightly confused and surprised by Kathy reacting to the bill. I mean, hey, what's twelve grand for an hour's worth of casual shopping, right?
Paris "teaches" Kathy how to stand and pose for the cameras. Apparently you have to stick your hip and arm out at humanly unnatural positions, throw your shoulders back, and pout like a $2.00 whore. Okay. Got it.
And then, my FAVORITE part of the episode. Paris tells Kathy they need to do a makeup check before going back outside in front of the paps. They both primp in the mirror and Paris tells Kathy to purse her mouth more. Kathy says "Oh yeah. I get it. Like we're going to give blow jobs." Paris replies (I swear to God) with a straight face "My mother raised me that only ugly girls go down on their knees to do something nasty like that."
I laughed so hard I couldn't breathe. Had I been at work they would have had to teabag me, I mean, bag me. I now know what the phrase "I about died laughing" means. I had to back up the satellite on that one and play it three or four times before going on with the episode. Holy shit, that was hilarious!
AND STILL, Paris carried on with a straight face. Personally, I don't know how Kathy could continue to even stand there. I would have been on the floor pounding my fists in laughter and calling her a silly liar to her face.
Excuse me but even though I've only seen a few seconds of that Paris Hilton sex tape with Rick Solomen, those few seconds that were WIDELY available on the internet were of Paris.......wait a minute. Maybe Rick had a popsicle in his pocket. Yeah. Yeah. That must have been it. Silly me. I should have given her the benefit of the doubt.
I should also be nicer to retarded people.
